xotommygun (xotommygun) wrote,
xotommygun
xotommygun

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so if you were my boyfriend, i would want to tell you this:

you still break my heart. every day.

I dont trust you - not because i think your cheating, but because your secretive, you make up too many excuses and you tip toe around seeing me. You also never answer my calls or txt me back, no matter how much i need you, i cant rely on you. im too scared to ask for your help because im scared you will just get angry and frown at me.

I miss the messages, the loved up bullshit and the tiny things that you usto say/do and how amazing and special you made me feel. I hate that you told me that you feel smoothered and that you dont want a full on realtionship anymore. that we had our honeymoon period and now this is just a normal relationship.

I loved the six weeks we lived together. I loved being your little wifey, cooking you dinner, making the bed and folding the washing. Im still hurt that you resent me for that.

I hate that you never answered me when I asked whats the point in staying together if you dont see yourself committing to me one day.

I hate that im just not enough for you.

I hate that when i told you I'm spending Christmas alone, you didn't even say a word. You never even showed any compassion or asked me to spend some of the day with you. I hate that I just have to except that.

I hate that you never make me feel like a part of your life. You dont ask me to come over for family things, or include me in the things that go on around you.

I hate that your the first person I wanted to tell when I bought a house and that you got angry at me for being dissapointed that you ditched on me. I hate that when I finally txt to tell you - you didnt even call. You txt me.

I hate that I tried to take you on an amazing overseas trip, but instead you txtd your friend to tell him you were over me.

I hate that I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough, that I'm not the perfect women for you and that you constantly pick out my flaws.

I hate that I have to feel unloved, unattractive and miserable.

I hate that no matter how much you see, feel or how much i tell you your hurting me, you just don't seem to care.

You have sent me so many txt messages telling me your going through a phase and that your never good in a relationship and that things are stressful and too hard. But why do I have to stand back and wait for you to get your shit together. Why do I have to cry every day and you get to do everything your own way.

Why did you stop loving me and what we had? To me, you were my perfection, you had my heart and I would have given you everything. I wanted to be with you forver, have babies, be old and stupid together.

I hate that your too scared to think about that.

I'm holding onto something that is awkward, emotionless and its breaking my heart so much.

I'm scared to break up with you because I'm scared you'll never come back, that you will fall in love with another girl and my heart will break every time I see you, hear you, or think about you.

I'm missing you Michael. I'm missing what we had. I miss hearing you yell out for me when you were asleep, I miss getting messages from you when you woke up. I'm missing waking up next to you, coming home to you. I miss calling you late at night on my way home from work or whenever i felt like it.

Im the sad :(
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